Until now, my financial planning has been largely based on serendipitous optimism. Retirement fund to be populated by a lottery win, some million dollar bright business idea to finance the family home. Not so anymore,we now have a far more concrete plan to work from. We met a man in Pamilican, a retired Norwegian ship captain, now living by the beach with his beautiful Filipina wife and their gorgeous chatty children, and he told us of the path to riches. ‘Whale Burp’ is the answer. The waters around Pamilican are often visited by sperm whale, who lives on an exclusive diet of squid. The whale can’t completely digest the squid and he occasionally burps up a waxy expectorant. Not unlike a cats fur ball. Bizarrely, this mammalian waste product is prized by the perfume industry, used in musky scents and when of the right quality, fetches more per ounce than gold.
All you have to do is, hang out in a whaly area, scan the waves for a bobbing grey lump of wax… Get it on board the boat, I still have to work out a plan for that. Stop it melting, maybe we can put it in the fridge, and call the man from Chanel, and he’ll be on the first plane over. Our Norwegian friends neighbour was lucky enough to haul one in with his fishing net, and kept in the garden while he waited the perfume people to arrive. under the hot Philippines sun, the treasure apparently melted away to half its size, but no matter, the agents bought the soil underneath a took that too.
So now along with watching out for big ships, floating logs, fish farms and fishermen we peer into the binoculars hoping for our smelly whaley fortune to float by.